So I bit the bullet, or so they say. Wait, why do they say that? Bit the bullet. I try to imagine a scenario where I am biting the bullet. Why would Wes be biting the bullet? Probably because I’m at the range and I’m bored and somehow a bullet made its way to being a chew toy.
A quick google shows me that bitting the bullet comes from the late 18th century. When doctors did field surgeries on troops they would have them bite a bullet to get through the pain.
Well when I originally said I bit the bullet I was talking about getting rid of social media. But now the phrase doesn’t seem to fit it. My pain isn’t that great and this sacrifice isn’t that big.
Social media seemed to be having a negative effect on me. I was always seeing the bad of the world. I was seeing the things to worry about, things to be afraid of, challenges our society would face… It was not filling my mind with that which is good.
And if there’s anything I have proven to myself over my time of writing and recording my feelings, it’s that what you dwell on, is what you live. So why would I want to live in that negative?
Another factor for me was weed. As an avid smoker for a few reasons, medicinal and just plain fun. I have come to know that weed doesn’t necessarily make you anxious, but it does amplify what you feel. And if I’m living in negative and the weed is amplifying it, well that’s hell.
My first thought was to give up weed. Mostly because the social stigma against it, and the fact that many people try to point out why it’s bad for you. But after a week of observing and analyzing I realized something.
And it was this question that did it.
Does weed, used intentionally, move me toward or away from the man I want to be?
And I can honestly answer that with no it doesn’t move me away from the man I want to be. Weed helps me connect with people. I feel more calm and less on edge when people approach me. I don’t snap as much. It helps me be the man I want to be. It helps level out my wide variety of feelings. So my ups and downs aren’t so extreme.
But why just ask that question of weed. Let’s make it a variable. The variable of XYZ
Does XYZ, used intentionally, move me toward or away from the man I want to be?
Now fill in the blank with anything.
My next thought was social media. I could easily make an argument that social media even when used intentionally, does not move me toward the man I want to be.
So why do I use it then?
I paused there and reflected.
Within a few hours I had everything deleted, Facebook, instagram, TikTok, Reddit..
There is no social media on my phone now.
I keep opening my phone feeling lost. But that’s okay, cause social media was not my home. I am home.
My daughter asked me to journal this journey cause she was interested in how much it truly affects us. And now I have all this free time to do so.
I don’t think this is a journey everyone needs to take. But I do think I found a question, everyone should ask.
Does XYZ, used intentionally, move me toward or away from the person I want to be?
What’s your XYZ?
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